The BSRUS (Big Sur Residents United for Socialism) announced plans today for a Festival of Appreciation aimed at thanking the many government agencies, and the state and federal taxpayers, who make the very existence of the community of Big Sur as we know it possible.
Precarious lifeline: The modern Big Sur community is completely dependent on a single, phenomenally expensive, highway.
“Let’s face it,” said a BSRUS spokesman, “Before the government took an interest in Big Sur, all the place could support was a handful of poverty-stricken homesteads and a few hard luck cattle operations. People were so desperate they tried to create industries out of things like cutting redwoods by hand to make fence posts or selling the bark from tan oaks to passing ships. Can you even imagine? Things like electrical power and indoor plumbing were almost unheard of. The only way in and out of the place was over a trail for crying out loud.
“But thanks to the untold millions the government spends every year keeping the highway open, providing parks and recreational opportunities and protecting the place from fire, Big Sur is now a world-class tourist destination and a playground for the rich and famous. We’ve got a population many times what it was in the old days and a government spending/tourism based economy that provides better jobs than anything the Big Sur pioneers could possibly have imagined.
“And, sure, those pioneers were great stewards of the land – ‘course when you’ve got thousands of acres of rough country and nothing but hand tools, it’s pretty hard not to be – and there are many property owners who remain great stewards of the land today. But, let’s face it, if it wasn’t for government regulations, the other landowners, the ones who aren’t such great stewards, would long ago have messed the place up for everyone.
“We realize that keeping the Big Sur community afloat costs the taxpayers of this country a lot of money and we want to thank them for that. We’d have to be pretty selfish to take all this largesse for granted or to suggest that the government and taxpayers ought to be doing still more for us.
“This is one of the most beautiful places on the planet and living here is indeed a privilege. We’re holding this festival because we want to acknowledge all those people out there who help to make our rustically refined lifestyle possible.”
In related news see: Broad Coalition Backs Return to Early Silurian Conditions Along Big Sur Coast
Xasáuan Today 
Where and when is this going to take place?
At the government-funded Multi-Agency Center, of course! – XT
Sign me up…I will bring the beer.
well done, thanks for showing we care about the mighty debt we owe the government
Wonderful post, XT. Nice to see a little levity with all the other crap being put out there! Cal-Trans got my personal (and Community) kudos at the BSMAAC meeting for the herculean efforts at keeping the road open this winter, particularly here on the South Coast, where it is always marching to the sea – so count me in!
Further progress lies ahead, too—since the one thing Big Sur residents and visitors (including hikers) hold in common is the mainlining of Highway 1. Behind the scenes a small and unexpected coalition has placed on the agenda for the next BSMAAC meeting an agreement by which both residents and visitors will voluntarily commit to using Corbett Grimes’ old spring-wagon to get to trailheads and cabins again.
when caltrans was doing their earthquake retrofit on bixby and rocky creek bridges i was wondering on how much that enormous effort cost, especially when it took much longer than originally planned. must have been a bundle, or two. my not very diligent research of public sources did not come up with any answer. sort of like the defense department–cost is just not discussed, apparently.
I like that this is supposed to be a joke, and yet, it rings true. I think it’s a hilarious thing to be able to bend the facts of nature as to make them true to your own subjective world view. Kudos on a timely, well constructed cliche. As I read it outloud it smacked of amateur “Onion” news. Kinda like amateur comedy night. Thanks.